A Hard Night's Day

Moms are for cuddles. Moms are for comforting when babies fall over, or get their feet stuck between the bars of the crib. Moms are for keeping tummies full, and arms and legs warm with clean clothes. Moms are for encouraging and loving daddies well. A lot of the time, moms are for helping pay the bills. Moms are for taking care of families.

Sometimes moms don't do these things very well. Sometimes moms are not slow to anger. Sometimes moms get exhausted just looking at the laundry pile. Sometimes babies need comforting all day. Sometimes moms cry on the way to the car after leaving the kiddos at the sitter's house so they can go to work. Sometimes moms don't have any encouragement left to give dads. Sometimes moms let fear get the best of them. Sometimes moms lean too much on their own ability, and not enough on God's. 

This mom had one of those days yesterday.

I was exhausted. The lord continues to promise to provide for our family, but doesn't show us the details of how that'll work out. He allows me to spin my wheels, frantically looking for a way to control things. If I could just put it all on a spreadsheet, project out 6 months and see that we'll come out on top, then I'd feel better. So I did. Only in 6 months, the spreadsheet doesn't project us coming out on top. 

So I sat next to my husband and cried. Feeling fairly sorry for myself. Why can't we just be comfortable? We are surrounded by people who are comfortable. Why can't we just not have to worry? Why does the Lord keep us so dependent? 

That's when it hit me. That's when it always hits me. It was never in my control. It was never because I did a good job spreadsheeting. My daughter and husband getting the cuddles and encouragement they need was never because I'm a wonderful mom and wife. James 1:17 says - Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 

This means that on days when I feel replenished and ready to give my family what they need, that is completely from God. The moment I start to think that I've got something inherently great within myself to give to my family, that's the moment I'll fail. The Lord does not change like shifting shadows. Shifting shadows are spreadsheets and feeling comfortable. They will fail me. God will never fail me, or my family.
My sweet and steadfast husband patiently reminded me of how faithful the Lord has been every day we've been married, that tomorrow worries about itself. These words - you guessed it - a good and perfect gift form the Lord. How amazing.

Isaiah 41:9 - I took you from the ends of the earth. From it's farthest corners I called you. I said 'you are my servant,' I have chose you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and help you. I will uphold you with my right hand.

What a promise for my little family.